35 Thoughts I Had While Reading Harry Potter And The Cursed Child

I should start this out by saying, this post contains every possible spoiler to the book Harry Potter and The Cursed Child. From cover to cover I rage, laugh, and cry my way through this stream of consciousness. If you wish to avoid spoilers to this book please save this post to come back to at a later date.

Now, I solemnly swear that I am up to no good...

A review of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child and the 35 thoughts I had while reading the book. // www.ElleTalk.com

It's been roughly a week since Harry Potter and The Cursed Child hit the book shelves and it has been a bit of a ride since. If said ride was the experience of riding to Hogwarts in the 105E circa Chamber of Secrets, that is. With that said the reviews have been mixed at best and as you will soon find out I sit amongst my fellow Potterheads in those thoughts. 

First off I want to say I don't hate Harry Potter and The Cursed Child. I am in a bonded love-hate relationship with the story. To the point that I can't tell you whether I'm excited or horrified by what I read. There was the good, there was the bad, and there was the ugly crying. I am grateful that a series that was once thought to be "finished" came back to give us one last hurrah. I'm elated I got to experience Harry's story one more time. The question moving forward is simple; Was Cursed Child the ending to the Harry Potter series we wanted? 

To keep this from being a cluster fudge of a post I'll start with the Good, then the Bad, then the What Is Even Happening.

THE GOOD

  • I do actually like the idea of stories about the next generation kids at Hogwarts. I wouldn't mind reading some teenage normalcy coming out of there, though. "Hi I'm Lavender Brown and I'm Witch-teen and Pregnant."
     
  • You know what was cool? Getting a better understanding of the time turner. It was one of those things brought into the Harry Potter world and then kind of just pushed off to the side. I enjoyed getting to see how time can be effected and the vast differences in time turners. That was a pretty awesome aspect to Cursed Child.
  • I love that Dumbledore is a flawed character but it drove me insane that Harry put him on a pedestal, as so many kids do. To have an older, wiser Harry (& Ginny) who sees Dumbledore with more clarity was perfect. 
     
  • "You weren't around when it counted" - Harry Potter dragging Dumbledore 2016. Sorry but I'm here for it. Emotionally wrecked but none the less.
     
  • As a fellow Slytherin, it's about time we broke the mold. Scorpius Malfoy you sweet flower child, I am so proud of your fictional existence. See we're not all Death Eaters!
     
  • Speaking of Scorpius Malfoy, can we not all agree he's a delightful mix of James Potter & Ron Weasley? He's full of hilarious puns, impressed by his own bravery, good natured and is pining after a girl who doesn't want him back. I'll just sit here while you let that sink in. #ScoRose=Jilly
     
  • Albus and Scorpius are friendship goals. Not to mention my admiration that this is a Potter/Malfoy bond. I have a theory that had Harry been in Slytherin originally, he would have been friends with Malfoy. Of course, after some serious character restructuring on Draco's part.
     
  • Each character from the OG HP crew at some point gave an honest look at PTSD post The Second Wizarding War. This was so important and real to bring to this story. Something that isn't spoken enough about in our own world.
     
  • Draco Malfoy. You either thought he was a little bitch or you thought he was just a kid trying to please everyone but himself. I feel like Cursed Child answers that. Draco is still his sassy self but we see a much softer side to Draco that is no longer tethered to his Father. Bonus, slow clap for marrying Astoria against your Father's orders. Reasons again, I think Draco and Harry could have been friends in another time.
     
  • Astoria Malfoy made up a song about candy for her son. Then sends sweet little Scorpius to Hogwarts with a bag full of candy to share because she knew he needed the help to make friends. Someone give this woman the Mom of the Year award, pah-lease.
     
  • The fact that Hermoine hid the time turner in a murderous bookshelf had me in tears laughing. McGonagall reaming her for being so transparent about where she hides things is the icing on the cake. Lots of laughs.
     
  • The Hermoine and Ron in this book, questionable. Knowing no matter what timeline they are in, they will always love each other makes me giddy.
     
  • Ludo Bagman's "Cedric Delicious Diggory" is something that will never escape my mind. Nor will the obnoxious laughter that came out of my body when I first read it.
     
  •  Oh was that a reminder that Neville Longbottom is "The Other Chosen One"?
     
  • While the idea of a dark world where Voldemort wins is not something I classify as "good". I did find it incredibly cool that we got to see a glimpse in to it. 
     
  • "They were great men, with huge flaws, and you know what - those flaws almost made them greater." Harry Potter summing up the reality of being human in one sentence.

THE BAD

  • Why Cedric Diggory? Okay, Albus, you want to impress your father? Impress Delphi? Cool I get that, but you've got better options than Cedric Diggory. Just to name a few: Uncle Fred, God Grandfather Sirius Black, You Grandparents Lily & James, Remus and Tonks, DOBBY (I'm officially shouting IRL), even Dumbledor! If you're going to force me to relive the harder moments of Harry Potter, at least make it for someone I care about.
     
  • Since you forced me into caring about Cedric Diggory for this story, I'd like to point out that he wouldn't turn into a Death Eater. Especially due to being humiliated in front of the entire school. Are you telling me posterchild Hufflepuff Diggory becomes a racist murder? Completely 180s his entire character backline over a few school girl laughs? Sorry, not buying it.
  • Hermoine Granger. HERMOINE DONT NEED NO MAN GRANGER. Except, apparently she needs Ron in her life or else she turns into the femme version of Snape as a professor. Activist, loyalist, bright, and brave Hermoine Granger becomes a brutal and abusive professor. All because she never ends up with Ron?! Hermoine who knew Professor Lupin was a werewolf but recognized how much they needed good and honest professors? Thus she doesn't tell anyone what she knows, Granger! She goes and becomes the complete opposite of that? I'm sorry, but no. This was just a disservice to Hermoine. I know it's an alternative timeline but this infuriated me because it negates Hermoine at her core. Ron is not the core focus of what makes Hermoine, he just brings out an even better version of her. Which all that crazy passionate stuff is what makes Ron love her! It makes no sense and I want to throw the book.
     
  • Then, Ron. Is Ron apparently not funny without Hermoine? I'm sorry but he's a Weasley it's breed into him. There is a reason that Ron is the lightness that the Golden Trio needs in their life. It's who Ron is. I get that we're trying to say that Hermoine and Ron need each other but this is all wrong.
     
  • Don't even get me started on the Delphi plot line. Again I ask you why Cedric? Why not just go back in time, collect the Horcruxes and hide them for yourself? Dress up as a Hogwarts student and Avada Kadava Harry in one of his many outings into the Forbidden Forest. I'm just spitballing here.

WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING?!

  • I never needed to think about Voldy Balls reproducing with Bellatramp Lestrange. These are my childhood villains, I don't want to end my Harry Potter experience with that image. No. No. Gag. 
     
  • Where is Teddy Lupin? You know, Harry Potter's Godson. Why are we not trying to bring his parents back, Albus?! 
     
  • Speaking of Harry and his children. James Sirius & Lily Luna, where are they? What are they doing? Why don't they get to go on the family trip to the past? Are we not doing Wizarding Potter's Voldemort Vacation?
     
  • Also, I feel Harry would have put way more of a foot down about leaving Ginny with their children. So they have one parent? You know, him being an orphan and all. No? Okay.
     
  • 50 Shades of hell no Edward Scissor Trolly Witch Hands! This was possibly more horrifying than the thought of Voldemort Day. 
     
  • I want the detailed backstory of the Mauraders unsuccessfully escaping the train. Scratch that. I'll just take an entire series with movies about their adventures because THEY WOULDN'T USE A TIME TURNER TO BRING BACK CEDRIC DIGGORY, OF ALL PEOPLE.
     
  • Let's talk more about Harry Potter and the woefully wrong word choices. Listen, I know a lot of people want to believe Harry would never have said "I wish you weren't my son" to Albus. Harry grew up in a home of no love and a lack of communication. He's shown time and time again to say nasty things in emotional frustration to people who matter to him. So yes, I fully believe Harry would say something like that but not truly mean it. As for "You wouldn't understand, you don't have kids" to McGonagall, it fits Harry's personality. No matter what changed in these timelines, he will always have the emotional abuse of his childhood. Thanks, Dumbledork.
     
  • With that said Harry Potter would have NEVER kept his child from his only friend over rumors & a last name. (I know what the centaur said but we know how he got there) Harry Potter who was rumored a liar after Voldemort's return. Harry Potter whose God Father, Sirius Black was slashed through the tabloids as a mass murder. Harry Potter who wouldn't have been able to defeat Voldemort if it wasn't for Narcassia MALFOY. Excuse me while I down some firewhisky to get over this terrible decision in character arch.
     
  • When the time turner started being a core focus of the story, I should have known a ride through emotional hell would erupt shortly after. Congratulations we all walked into the Deathly Hallows, AGAIN. Examples: Being emotionally raw for Snape & his undying love for Lily. Just the fact of seeing Snape again after all we know! How we fought so hard for the love that is Hermione and Ron. Except let's say it didn't happen! For an extra coating of self-torture. Let's re-live James and Lily Potter dying, again, but this time, let's make it worse than worse. Let's make adult Harry Potter watch it all play out just so we can all feel what it's like to be kissed by a Dementor. 
     
  • Also, eff you Hagrid. As if I wasn't emotionally beaten by that point, you have to come through with your "I'm going to be yur friend weather yur like it or not!" I'm not crying you're crying, you adorable giant!
     
  • Clearly there is a lot of mirroring in this book. So as we enter into the 9th layer of Dante's hell, let's add one more that throws a knife in my heart. Snape telling Scorpius to think of Albus to summon a Patronus. The exact thing Snape does over Lily. What was this book sponsored by, Kleenex?!
     
  • For extra measure. I'm Severus Snape and it doesn't negate that sometimes I'm a total git. Let me throw this line in there because I'm caring yet self-deprecating. "Tell him I'm glad he has my name." Snape. I'm done. I'm done. My eyes are raw.
     
  • On that note, I can't handle anyone playing Snape other than Alan Rickman. I refuse.
     
  • Harry Potter and The Order of the Pigeons. PIGEONS. My favorite line in the entire book, possibly out of everything Harry has ever said is : "I've never told anyone this, but I don't much like..pigeons....Nasty, pecky, dirty things. They give me the creeps." Through all the tears this is the belly hurting laugh I needed.

Lastly and most importantly the number one takeaway is that the only Cursed Child here is me. Me being forced to go back to the past to relive all of our favorite gut wrenching moments, thanks to Albus & Harry being exactly alike. 

Overall thoughts? Harry Potter and The Cursed Child gave us a deeper look into some of the character flaws and strengths we didn't get at the end of Deathly Hallows. In classic Harry Potter format, it tackled some very real and raw issues like PTSD, parenting and how we view the past. While I question numerous aspects of the story, there were so many wonderful moments that I can get past most of it. Which is exactly how I sum up this book. Cursed Child is full of a lot of wonderful moments that will make you laugh out loud, shed tears, and entertain you from start to finish. However, it's between those moments where the story loses its gravity and thus answers the original question. Harry Potter and The Cursed Child, in my view, was not a book worth ending the series on and leaves you feeling a little haphazard. Which is completely okay because like J.K. Rowling said, this story is meant to be seen in the medium of a stage. Being left to my own thoughts and Harry Potter knowledge, gave me too much time to dwell on the lacking details unlike seeing a performance. Overall I'm glad I got to go back to see all of my favorite characters in their new roles of adults and get to know some of their children a little better. Even through the emotional rollercoaster that was reliving the Harry Potter past. 

So let's keep this conversation going! Tell me down below your thoughts on Harry Potter and The Cursed Child. Do you agree with any of my thoughts? Maybe you disagree entirely! Let me know in the comments.

Until next time.
Mischief managed.